Seven Jokes for Sunday

Seven Jokes for Sunday: Married, Dyslexic and...Blonde?

Sunday, July 5, 2009 08:00 AM EST

I decided to lay off the blonde jokes this week and focus on the other amusing aspects of life. Of course, I wasn't entirely successful...

¹ I'm a good husband. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

² Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.

³ What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

⁴ A dyslexic man walked into a bra…

⁵ Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then once he is married, he is finished.

⁶ In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks, and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak, and the neighbors listen.

⁷ A crew of dastardly pirates captured a red head, a brunette, and a blonde and took them to their ship. The captain asked the redhead, "What is yer last wish before I make a boat out of yer skin?"

"A knife," said the redhead.

He gave it to her and she cut herself free and escaped.

Next he asked the brunette, "What do you want?"

"A pair of scissors," she replied.

The captain gave it to her and she snipped her way to freedom and fled into the night.

He turned to the blonde and asked, "And what do you want?"

"A fork," she replied. Once she had the fork in hand she began to poke herself.

"What are ya doin'?"

"Ha, ha, ha," the blonde laughed. "Your boat's gonna have holes in it."

And, to top it off, the bumper sticker of the week:

Get a new car for your spouse - it's a great trade!

Runner up:

Blondes arent dumm.

Word Count: 286

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Seven Jokes for Sunday: Dumb, Blonde & Pregnant

Sunday, June 28, 2009 08:00 AM EST

It's time now for the latest round of bad jokes, courtesy of the World Wide Web. Apologies in advance to my pale-haired beauties; I just couldn't resist. If it's any consolation, I was blonde when I was a child and the butt of many a joke.

¹ It was time for an in-flight meal on Blonde International Airlines.
“Would you like dinner?” said the flight attendant.
“What are my choices?” replied the passenger.
“Yes or no.”

² What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

³ How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her the joke on Tuesday.

⁴ Why does the wind always go west to east in Wyoming?
Because Nebraska sucks and Idaho blows.

⁵ Three blondes walk into a building...
...wouldn't you think one of them would have seen it?

⁶ Why do blondes take the pill?
So they know which day of the week it is.

⁷ Three blondes strolled into the gynecologist's office for pre-natal checkups.
“In what position was the baby conceived?” asked the doctor.
“He was on top,” replied the first.
“Then you will have a baby boy.”

The second was asked the very same question.
“I was on top,” she replied.
“And you will have a baby girl,” said the doctor.

The third burst into tears.
“What’s the matter?” said the doctor.
“Does this mean I'm going to have puppies?”

And as an added bonus, the bumper sticker of the week:

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Word Count: 258

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Total Word Count: 544