Pauperdelle - Chapter 1: Delectables

June 10 at 11:00 PM

I tossed the pills across the room. "What do you think I am, stupid?" I yelled at the nurse. "I'm a fully grown man. What good would Human Growth Hormone do for me anyways?"

Lenka angled her head and then pulled out another set of pills from her pocket. "You saw right through me, Mr. Cahill," she grinned. "Would you like some M&M's instead? They're the new white chocolate flavor."

"You must think I'm a complete idiot," I crossed my arms. "That's Ambien CR, a mild sedative used to treat insomnia. There's no way I'm touching that."

"No really, they're M&M's. See?" she popped two in her mouth. "Mmm...yummy. Too bad they're the last ones. Now what did you do with the others?"

"Oh no," I sprung off the bed. "They're mine!"

We both dove for the pills.

"Give them to me," she growled, punching me in the ribs.

"No...mine," I snatched them off the floor with my teeth. I chewed for a while, marveling at the utter lack of flavor. "Are you sure these aren't the white chalk flavor because that's exactly how they taste."

"They're experimental M&M's, straight from the secret laboratory," Lenka got to her feet.

"Secret laboratory? Where's that--Hershey, Pennsylvania?" I lingered on the floor.

"M&M Mars makes M&M's, stupid. They're a product of Mexico."

"Or outer space. Anyways, I think their new flavor needs some work. See this?" I stood and grabbed a piece of chalk from the chalkboard, "If I wanted chalk, I'd just have myself a stick or two." And I devoured it whole. "Approximately the same flavor."

"That's so old school," Lenka snickered. "You should really try these cherry-scented erasable markers," she took a whiff of her Sharpie and bit off the head.

"Nah, I'll stick with chalk," I gobbled down another piece.

"Oops. These can get quite messy if you're not careful," she rubbed the corner of her mouth with her white sleeve. "Drat, how am I going to get that out?"

"Have you lost your marbles, dear? Didn't you say they're erasable markers?"

"So?"

"So just use an eraser." I handed her the one from the chalkboard.

She rubbed it against the fabric, smearing the ink all over her uniform. "You're so clever, Mr. Cahill." Her towering frame stepped closer. "I have a confession to make. I'm not really a nurse."

"What?"

"I'm a patient just like you," she whispered.

"Yeah, right," I led her to the door. "Patients don't have access to white chocolate M&Ms, now do they?" I held up the last stick of chalk and then scarfed it down. "Now beat it." I shoved her out the door.