Pauperdelle - Chapter 2: Continuum
June 11 at 10:00 AM
Photo by Matt Lehman
"Can I come out now?" I said, pressing my weight against the door.
"Not quite yet," came a voice.
"How much more time do you need?" I grumbled.
"Just one more minute," he said as several pots and pans clanged off the floor. "There, done," he moaned. "You can come out now."
I cracked open the door and peered up at the clock.
"See, six o'clock," a gaunt middle-aged man with crooked teeth and long unkempt sideburns pointed.
"Bromide, you've outdone yourself," I swung the door wide. "Simply amazing. Sorry I can't give you more," I slipped him a five-dollar bill.
"No problem, every little bit helps." Bromide stumbled to his feet, casting aside various pots and pans he used to reach the clock. Good thing that he was too high on Vicodin to notice that I handed him Monopoly money. Not that it made any difference here.
"You certainly have a knack for making time move more expediently. You must tell me how you did it."
"It's all in the wrists," he cracked his knuckles.
We took a few steps down the hall. "So what do you think they're cooking this evening?
"Hopefully not that dreaded catfish with fake imitation crab meat," said Bromide. "Just the thought of it makes me want to puke."
"What are you talking about? We've never had crab-stuffed salmon."
"Of course we have. We had it just the other night when you refused to leave your quarters."
"You big liar. I haven't missed a single meal since I've been here," I said as we passed by an empty security desk. "It's probably Salisbury Steak anyways."
We rounded the corner and stopped dead in our tracks.
"What the hell?" I exclaimed, looking up at the clock. "I thought you had the whole time continuum thing under control."
"I did. I mean, I do," said Bromide.
"Then what do you call that?" I pointed.
The clock read 1:00 AM.
"There must be an abnormality in the flux," he replied, pulling a screwdriver from his back pocket. "Let me adjust a vector so we can pull the time perimeter back into focus."
"And how long is that going to take?" I crossed my arms.
"I'm just one man, captain," he uttered in the worst Scottish accent ever.
"Well let me know when you've got time redialed. I need to get back to Wii Fit." I stepped away.
"Wait, don't go. I'll have the channel tweaked in no time. Just don't leave. Besides, I thought you were hungry."
"Ravenous, actually. But hunger is only a metaphor in this domain," I turned. "And regardless of whether or not a speck of time has moved, we cannot simply walk into the kitchen unexpected. The future hasn't unfolded yet. By your calculations, we've only partially skipped forward. Does that also mean that only a fraction of our alternate reality has travelled along with us? Perhaps the food won't materialize like it would otherwise; or the staff--the delivery truck. And if the chef has only a limited number of resources, the six o'clock special will never come to fruition--we'll get Salisbury Steak every time."
"No!" Bromide screamed.
"Now it would also help if you stopped screwing around with the continuum. Sooner or later you're going to break it. And please do something about those sideburns of yours; they're overrunning your face. You look more like a flying rodent than a handyman."
"Fine then," Bromide tore the clock off the wall and smashed it on the floor. "Don't ask me for any more favors!"
I picked up a piece of the clock. "Oh well. At least I won't have to guess what we're having for dinner any more."
"Yeah, enjoy your Salisbury Steak," Bromide said and walked away.
"There was one more thing."
Bromide stopped and turned his head.
"The head cook told me in confidence that he was getting in a box of Black Forest Cheesecake," I said.
"Black Forest Cheesecake?" Bromide cried.
"The one with the strawberry-vanilla cream on top."
"Oh no, what have I done?" he fumbled with the pieces on the floor.
"How long do you think it would take to pull us forward to 5:30 PM?"
"Weeks," he sobbed.
"That's not good enough, Bromide. There's not enough time."
"Ok, let me think, let me think…If you give me a few moments I think I can have this all sorted out."
"Make it so, number one."
And he did.
