Pauperdelle - Chapter 4: Raise

June 12 at 10:30 AM

Confetti rained down on Jizmann and I as we stepped into the hall. "Congratulations," the staff cheered as they rolled down a large banner that read, 'Welcome to the Dark Side, Director Cahill.'

I could not help but laugh as dozens of the staff offered their warm hand and embrace. Promptly afterwards, they uncovered a large three-tiered cake with blue icing and white trim crowned with a figurine of a mad scientist. As one handed me the knife, I raised my hands and said, "I want to thank each and every one of you for this miraculous day. After all the years of being in your care, it is now my turn to serve you."

Applause erupted from all around.

"Well, I guess the only thing missing are the dancing girls," I said.

"That's for your next promotion," one yelled.

The audience laughed and applauded anew.

Once the festivities died down, I wandered over to the receptionist's desk.

"Good morning, director," Lenka raised an eyebrow. "And congratulations. I guess I'll need to update the website."

"Oh, allow me," I hurdled the desk and unearthed my finest Crayola. I crossed out 'Henry Bane' and scribbled my own name on the monitor.

"Perfect," said Lenka. "You should probably get a PhD. All doctors have PhDs."

"Good thinking. Can I get one online? Or perhaps through the mail?"

"A medical degree? Well, I guess anything's possible. Let's see." She swiveled around in her chair and began typing. "It probably would have been better if we did the web update last."

"Then let's roll back the website." I rubbed the screen with my sleeve. "The Internet can always catch up later."

"Are you sure, director?"

"Hey, that's what they pay me for. To make tough decisions like these. Speaking of which, I owe you a debt of gratitude, Lenka. You deserve far better than this. That's why I'm making you my personal assistant."

"Really?" she beamed.

"Really. And I'll need all the energy you can muster to help bring me up to speed."

"Of course, we'll get started right away!"

Bromide strolled by, hoping I wouldn't notice. "Hello, Bromide. What seems to be troubling you?"

"Oh nothing." He avoided eye contact.

"Have you heard?" said Lenka. "Mr. Cahill is the new director of Pauperdelle."

"Oh yes, congratulations," he continued looking away.

I scratched my chin. "Bromide, is everything alright with the time continuum?"

"Of course, sir. Why wouldn't it be?" His eyes darted about.

I scanned him over carefully and then looked up at the clock. The hands spun wildly in reverse, faster and faster as if it was going to fly off the wall.

"What did you do?" I screamed. "You're going to break the continuum!"

"I'm fixing a mistake. You will never be the director of this ward. Ever," he grinned.

"Hey, Mr. Cahill," a second Bromide walked up to the desk.

"That's Director Cahill," Lenka snapped.

"Wait, two Bromides?" I said.

"Quick, call security!" he tackled the carbon copy of himself. The two wrestled for a few moments before the real Bromide cranked his arm under the other's chin. "This is an alternate version of myself that I accidently forged when I jumped too far into the future. My essence scattered, split and soured. Sorry about that director." The evil one passed out in Bromide's arms as two security guards finally arrived to the scene.

"Guards, take him away," I pointed to the limp body. "And as for you, we can ill afford these anomalies any longer. I've got an asylum to run, so you'd better get that fixed."

"Understood. Right away, captain," said Bromide.

I turned to Lenka and took her into my arms. "Well, my lovely assistant. It's time to make history."

I kissed her and stepped out from behind the desk.