Did I Really Say That on Facebook? (Vol. V)

July 3 at 8:00 AM

Really, I should know better...

• It's not that men ever stop being rug rats. It's just that the carpet changes.
• So what does Silicon Valley really stand for these days?
• I've found my calling in life. What? It doesn't pay anything? Ah, never mind.
• Here I am in all my glory! Oops, forgot my underpants.
• To all those malicious bots out there, all I can say is: a;lv#zxi0 [a9seh 'oa al; aj wa''litkcxkl} lkjasf~ lkfjas4389 tyslkfjaal!
• How can you not like Looney Toons' depiction of Hanzel and Gretyl? It was good, good, ya, ya.
• Misbehaving, and proud of it.
• It's a lie, I tell you. A lie! I didn't run over your cat, I boiled it alive and ate it.
• Broken arm? Let me apply some of this topical cream.
• Cats. It's reassuring to know that we have an alternative when we run out of chickens.
• I had a mind, once. Now it is no longer my own.
• Writing for me is like a faucet. Once I've turned it on, it's hard to turn off.
• In creating the character, I've become quite the character.
• If ambition is your ally, being broke is not by consequence. This time was meant to be available to you.
• I have discovered Facebook with a vengeance. And vengeance is mine…
• No, I'm certain that I haven't lost my mind. I’ve got it right here in my hand.
• It's not the books that we're interested in, it's the videotapes!
• No, I'm not a loser. I just do that part time.
• Apparently hell did freeze over. And they even built a state-of-the-art ice rink!
• It's not necessarily that I lost some hair, it's that my wife pulled it out.
• Yes, it's true. I never did grow up.
• 100% recycled thoughts.
• Yes I have multiple Facebook accounts. I need one for each of my personalities.
• I’m gonna start putting the words “Wide Load” on the back on my son’s diapers.
• You deserve the best in life, so stop shortchanging yourself!